Mid Year Review

Nick said that if he were to give Nat his midyear review, the term normally used in the corporate environment to refer to a checkpoint in one's performance about 6 months into the year, he would emphasize that Nat could improve his sleeping habits.  Natty has gotten better at taking naps during the day, but is now more reluctant to go to sleep at 8pm and is starting to get into the habit of calling out to us around 5am. 

Exactly 6 months

But like in any excellent review, Natty's strengths and accomplishments overshadow his areas in need of improvement.

• Natty successfully crawls backwards, which turns out to be an excellent way to escape under the sofa.  He really wants to crawl forward, but cannot quite do it yet.  Presented with an especially desirable object (e.g. a laptop) he will resort to throwing himself forward.
• Natty rotates about on his stomach very well, which allows him to cover a significant amount of floor space.
• Natty wants to stand as much as possible.  He particularly likes to stand holding on to his gym.  Turning on the silly gym music is an extra bonus.
• Natty wants to feel everything.  In the last several days he has been running his fingers (opening and closing his fist) over every surface he can get his hands on.  Any slight delay on our part to cut his nails means that this exercise produces horrible noise.  And oh how fast those little nails grow!
• Natty likes to suck on his left hand thumb, which strengthens Nick's hopes that his son is a lefty.
• When Natty gets his hands on his "weight" toy, he shakes it really hard--as hard as if he were wielding a weapon of a deadly force.  He does not do it with other toys.
• On the day he turned 6 months, Natty started forming a "фига" with his right hand.  He stares at his hand as he's working his fingers into it, and sometimes proudly shows it to us. 

The changes that Nat has been going through in the last 6 months are tremendous, and I will never be able to list them all here.  The changes that I detect in my own behavior are much more subtle. 

I wish I could say that having the baby has made me do everything faster.  No, I am still as slow as ever.  (I tell Natty that turtles and snails are slow because they carry their houses with them.  I don't have such an excellent excuse.)  Yet I am definitely much more efficient.

The short intervals of time available for my personal use now appear very differently.  A span of 15 minutes in my "pre-motherhood" life seemed too short to do anything useful.  Now it seems like an eternity--I can chop vegetables to prep for dinner, mix the dry ingredients for the next cake to bake, pre-wash soiled clothes or sort the clean laundry, pack lunch for my next work day, precut fabric for my next sewing project or put a seam in into my current one.  And the list goes on. 

I am not nearly as nervous speaking in front of large groups of people.  This phenomenon actually started back when I was still pregnant.  Perhaps it is more a function of hormonal changes as opposed to a shift in my thought process, but I hope it is more permanent.

On the negative side, I worry that every time I slip the schedule at work, people assume that with an infant at home I am not working as hard.  While I am not spending as many hours in the office, I actually feel that I am working harder than ever.  So I try to attribute these worries to my paranoia. 

Having a baby also affected the way I look at mothers with newborn babies and pregnant women.  I am sure as Nat grows older, my reactions will continue to evolve, but for now I feel the mystery and the wonder that they are about to experience.  It is hard to describe the emotion.  The only remotely comparable feeling would be seeing someone reading a book that I love for the first time. 

Vladimir Visotsky said it really well in his song "Вершина":

            Весь мир на ладони,

            Я счастлив и нем,

            И только немного завидую тем
            Другим у которых вершина еще впереди.