Mid Year Review

Nick said that if he were to give Nat his midyear review, the term normally used in the corporate environment to refer to a checkpoint in one's performance about 6 months into the year, he would emphasize that Nat could improve his sleeping habits.  Natty has gotten better at taking naps during the day, but is now more reluctant to go to sleep at 8pm and is starting to get into the habit of calling out to us around 5am. 

Exactly 6 months

But like in any excellent review, Natty's strengths and accomplishments overshadow his areas in need of improvement.

• Natty successfully crawls backwards, which turns out to be an excellent way to escape under the sofa.  He really wants to crawl forward, but cannot quite do it yet.  Presented with an especially desirable object (e.g. a laptop) he will resort to throwing himself forward.
• Natty rotates about on his stomach very well, which allows him to cover a significant amount of floor space.
• Natty wants to stand as much as possible.  He particularly likes to stand holding on to his gym.  Turning on the silly gym music is an extra bonus.
• Natty wants to feel everything.  In the last several days he has been running his fingers (opening and closing his fist) over every surface he can get his hands on.  Any slight delay on our part to cut his nails means that this exercise produces horrible noise.  And oh how fast those little nails grow!
• Natty likes to suck on his left hand thumb, which strengthens Nick's hopes that his son is a lefty.
• When Natty gets his hands on his "weight" toy, he shakes it really hard--as hard as if he were wielding a weapon of a deadly force.  He does not do it with other toys.
• On the day he turned 6 months, Natty started forming a "фига" with his right hand.  He stares at his hand as he's working his fingers into it, and sometimes proudly shows it to us. 

The changes that Nat has been going through in the last 6 months are tremendous, and I will never be able to list them all here.  The changes that I detect in my own behavior are much more subtle. 

I wish I could say that having the baby has made me do everything faster.  No, I am still as slow as ever.  (I tell Natty that turtles and snails are slow because they carry their houses with them.  I don't have such an excellent excuse.)  Yet I am definitely much more efficient.

The short intervals of time available for my personal use now appear very differently.  A span of 15 minutes in my "pre-motherhood" life seemed too short to do anything useful.  Now it seems like an eternity--I can chop vegetables to prep for dinner, mix the dry ingredients for the next cake to bake, pre-wash soiled clothes or sort the clean laundry, pack lunch for my next work day, precut fabric for my next sewing project or put a seam in into my current one.  And the list goes on. 

I am not nearly as nervous speaking in front of large groups of people.  This phenomenon actually started back when I was still pregnant.  Perhaps it is more a function of hormonal changes as opposed to a shift in my thought process, but I hope it is more permanent.

On the negative side, I worry that every time I slip the schedule at work, people assume that with an infant at home I am not working as hard.  While I am not spending as many hours in the office, I actually feel that I am working harder than ever.  So I try to attribute these worries to my paranoia. 

Having a baby also affected the way I look at mothers with newborn babies and pregnant women.  I am sure as Nat grows older, my reactions will continue to evolve, but for now I feel the mystery and the wonder that they are about to experience.  It is hard to describe the emotion.  The only remotely comparable feeling would be seeing someone reading a book that I love for the first time. 

Vladimir Visotsky said it really well in his song "Вершина":

            Весь мир на ладони,

            Я счастлив и нем,

            И только немного завидую тем
            Другим у которых вершина еще впереди.

New Dishes

Last week Nick mentioned something about how it would be nice to have more than 4 dinner plates for every day use because we are constantly running out.  A week and $60 later, we are no longer short on plates.

Growth Spurt?

From this

to this

in just 5 months!  That is some growth spurt!

Online Shopping For Refrigerators

Have you ever tried shopping for refrigerators online?  This is what it looks like:

This is a screen shot of my attempt to browse refrigerators on Sears.com

Do you see a problem with this picture?!  Which one do I click on?  They all look the same!  Not only that, but they are all called the same too:  "  Top Freezer Refrigerator".  I hope no one seriously expects me to click through all 34 of these ("only" 34, after I have narrowed down the choice based on size, volume and color).

Summertime, And The Living Is Easy

I have now officially joined the ranks of working moms.  Let the flood of guilt and contradicting emotions begin.

July 3rd

One of the biggest surprises of going back to work for me was to discover that going to work seems easier than staying at home and taking care of my baby.  It was hard for me to admit this realization to myself and even harder to reveal it to others.  But I am glad I did--it turned out that to many it was not surprising at all, and many others had similar feelings in my situation. 

At work I know exactly what I need to accomplish in order to get my job done.  If I do not know how to do something, at least I know whom to ask for help.  If a problem lingers, I escalate the issue, ask for more help, and otherwise try to approach the problem in a different way.  I have experience and a good amount of confidence in what I do.

At home I have to make multiple decisions per hour, each of which has a direct and significant impact on another individual, a little human being, who has but cannot clearly express his desires, fears or pain.  It is exhilarating to see Nat smile at me.  But when that smile turns into a frown, I find myself troubleshooting the worse "bug" of my life.  People say, "Mother knows best."  Oh how I wish I was one of "those" people for whom it is true.  

Swaddle Free

Sleeping on your back has become so passé.  That is what Nat seems to think.  You might think that too if you had to sleep on your back for three months straight with no ability to turn over.

Last night, about to be woken up for his 11:30 meal

Nat was not quite three months old when we first discovered him sleeping on his stomach.  The event sent us into a panic attach because we were still fully swaddling him for the night.  (If you don't understand why we would be worried, imagine yourself lying on your stomach with your arms tied to your sides.  And if that is not uncomfortable enough, imagine you have relatively little coordination or neck and shoulder strength...) 

Fast forward a couple of weeks.  After struggling through different variations of swadding, we decided to set the kid free and let him sleep without any blankets.  So far Nat has been found sleeping on his stomach every morning and by the end of almost every nap.

The Dupioni Quilt, Finally Finished

No, I did not just make this quilt from start to finish.  I did finally finished it in May after it languished in boxes, closets and suitcases for over 10 years.

(Read the story of this quilt here.)

Animal Kingdom

Nat just started actually paying attention to the books we have been trying to show him.  I took some photos of him today looking and listening while Nick explained every picture in the Fuzzy Bee cloth book.  Now the following is not intended to be a commentary of what kind of information is useful or not useful for the baby.  Instead it shows how differently Nick and I think, which I absolutely love and cannot resist sharing with you.

Nat is 2 months old

Here are some excerpts from Nick's comments:

- Oh the dragonfly.  It is the hawk of the insect world.

- Here is a little worm.  Worms are segmented just like you.

Compare and contrast Nick's descriptions to things I would say:

- Dragonflies have transparent wings, and they live near lakes and ponds.

- Here is a little pink worm.  Worms live in the ground.

We have a few toy animals of course, and Nat is just starting to show interest in them.  I overheard the following coming from our bedroom where Nick and Nat were spending quality time together:

- In some ways, lions are actually not very good hunters. Many predators take the direction of the wind into account, and don’t get upwind of their prey, but lions completely ignore that.... 

- Here is an alligator. Alligators clamp down their jaws on their prey and do not let go. 

- Whales swim in the water like fish, but they are actually mammals...

A Week of Baking

Last week could be classified as the baking week.  It started with making mushroom pie for dinner early in the week and culminated in cakes for Saturday and Sunday dinners.  (I did chicken out of also making Tarte Tatin for Saturday as well, mostly because being a mother of a then 7 week old child I could not spend all day baking.)

The cakes required a lot of planning and baking ahead, since I never have more than 2 hours at a time for any activity, and I was not going to give up my precious fewer than 6 hours of night time sleep.

The Saturday cake was inspired by the Miroir aux Fruits, or Fruit Mousse Miroir cake, from the Fundamental Techniques of Classic Pastry Arts book.  I say "inspired" because I changed just about every single component called for by the recipe--sheet genoise instead of Biscuit Joconde, no egg whites in the fruit mousse, raspberry  instead of apricot jam for the mirror.  One of the wonderful things about this cake is that you are supposed to freeze it as part of the preparation.  So it is perfect for the very occasion when you do not want to be cooking on the day of the "event".

I tried to reproduce the "look", and I might have achieved it if I managed to make enough mousse. That would be something to look forward to next time.

Taste wise, my raspberry mirror mousse cake was definitely a success, which you could not say about the Sunday cake.

Sunday cake was planned to be a true cake in the American style--multiple layers, lots of frosting, etc.  However, I went a bit overboard.  I have used all the components of this cake in other combinations with success--super moist chocolate cake, ganache, swiss meringue buttercream, raspberry puree.  However, all of these wonderful things together made such a rich cake, that it almost felt like we were eating a little bit of cake with a lot of sweet butter.  Nick and I "struggled" for 2 days, but tossed almost half the cake in the end.

To redeem myself I made just the chocolate cake yesterday, which Nick and I have been enjoying without any filling or frosting.

Week End

Even a couple of weeks ago I would still get excited on Fridays about the prospect of the weekend.  Oh, the weekend!  It used to mean extra sleep, doodling around working on my various sewing and graphic design projects, re-watching my favorite period dramas.  Not anymore. Now I live in a kind of a "Groundhog Day" time warp--every day is exactly the same.  The only exception is Nat.  Nat's behavior changes gradually, but very noticeably, sometimes even day to day.

Nat loves his "caterpillar" outfit

As I pushed the stroller round the park a few days ago, I thought about my day-to-day activities.  Taking care of baby Nat has been tiring and satisfying--an experience that I find hard to describe.  I enjoy feeding and entertaining him during his awake hours.  At the same time I also enjoy the time I get to myself while he is asleep--a bit of baking and sewing somehow makes me feel a bit more "normal", whatever that means.

Outdoors is just SO bright

As a result I often feel in conflict with myself.  I look forward to Nat's awake times, so that I can play with him.  At the same time I look forward to his bed time, so that I can relax and do my own thing.  It is an endless debate whether or not my feelings are "normal", or whether I should be entirely devoted to my little baby, to the point of being incapable of thinking of anything else.  For my own sanity's sake, I try really hard to avoid this debate with myself.

And now I am off to work on another quilt until the next feeding. Happy Mother's Day!

The Joy of a Quick Dessert

I have become a big fan of the yogurt cake for two very simple reasons.  It tastes good, and it is super easy to make--no exotic ingredients or special tools required.  You do not even need an electric mixer!

Another positive aspect of this cake is that you can make it in a variety of ways, changing its flavor to whatever pleases you most.  The plain version is great by itself, or with a thin layer of raspberry jam.  I also love the blueberry lemon and the cranberry orange variations.  There are many other variations to try too.

The recipe I rely on is the Yogurt Cake by Clotilde of Chocolate & Zucchini.  I do tend to skip rum--just not the flavor I like in this particular cake.  If you are out of yogurt, the recipe also works with sour cream.  You can make it as a cake in a 9 inch cake pan, or in a 8 x 8 inch baking dish.  You can also bake the recipe as muffins, though the baking time will have be adjusted.

Ingredients:

• 2 eggs 
• 1 cup plain unsweetened yogurt 
• 1 cup sugar 
• 1/3 cup vegetable oil 
• 2 cups all-purpose flour 
• 1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda 
• a good pinch of salt 
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla paste/extract

Recipe:

1. Preheat the oven to 350° F
2. Line the bottom of a round 9 inch cake pan with parchment paper and grease the sides.  (When I bake this in the 8 x 8 square dish, I skip the parchment paper, and just butter the dish.)
3. In a large mixing bowl, combine the yogurt, eggs, sugar, vanilla, and oil. 
4. In another (smaller) bowl, mix the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. 
5. Add the flour mixture into the yogurt mixture and mix together just until everything is wet.  It is very important not to over-mix, or large pockets of air will form in your cake.  
6. Pour the batter into the prepared pan, and bake for 30 to 35 minutes, until the top is golden brown and a cake tester comes out clean.  (In my oven, the baking time is usually longer (40-45 minutes), but I usually start checking after 30.)

For the cranberry orange variation, before the above step 5 do the following:

• add a cup of cranberries (I usually use frozen ones) to the flour mixture and mix (DO NOT use craisins here)
• add zest of 1 orange (or to taste) to the yogurt mixture and mix

For the blueberry lemon variation, before the above step 5 do the following:

• add a cup of blueberries (I usually use frozen ones) to the flour mixture and mix
• add zest of 1 lemon (or to taste) to the yogurt mixture and mix

Enjoy!

A Bottle and a Museum Visit

Nat experienced several "firsts" today.  A big milestone was trying out eating from the bottle.  (Before any of you take issue with the content of the bottle, I assure you it is still breast milk!)

Nick gets to feed Nat for the first time,
and Nat test-drives a bottle.

Luckily, the bottle seemed to present no obstacles between Nat and his milk.  Later in the day he proved not to have forgotten how to access milk in a more, should we say, old fashioned way, which made us parents even happier.

In the afternoon instead of our usual stroll around the park, Nat made his first visit to the Museum of Fine Arts. (I could not resist checking out the new exhibit of Alex Katz prints.)  Unfortunately our visit to the MFA was very short--I will definitely have to go back to see more of the exhibit.  Without steady movement of the stroller, Nat woke up sooner than expected and started to vocalize his emotions, forcing me to evacuate us from the gallery.  On the positive side, I am now aware of the fact that the museum has a nursing room--how great is that!

Boston Marathon

I really wanted to take Nat to see his first Boston Marathon.  I thought it would be something fun we could do as a family, even though I realize that Nat would not remember any of it, nor can he see anything beyond what is a foot away from his nose.

16 days old

However, Nick and I decided that today's weather (sunny and high 80's F) was not only less than ideal for the runners, but also would be tough on our little baby.  So instead, Nick went out to see the lead runners, while I went out later to cheer my fellow coworkers.  And Nat spent the day at home.

Kenya's Sheron Cherop and Jemima Jelagat Sumgong

Levy Matebo and Wesley Korir just after Kenmore Square

Two Weeks Already?

Nat is two weeks old today.  I find it hard to believe that it has already been two weeks since he was born.  To me it feels like it was just yesterday.  Nick, on the other hand, feels like it has been ages.

2 weeks old

Nat definitely is more awake and alert and looks around a lot more.  He no longer gets upset during diaper changes, nor does he mind his baths.  His awake times are still mostly centered around eating.  In this aspect, Nat and I are not very different, despite our huge difference in size and age.

It turns out milk production requires a lot of energy--more than anything I have ever previously experienced, more than the pregnancy or any marathon training.  I spend most of my day sitting on the couch.  However, I have switched to 4 meals per day, I eat a ton of snacks in between, and I snack in the middle of the night.  All this madness is to avoid further weight loss.

Today we had a visit from a lactation consultant.  According to her, my kid "sucks milk in like a vacuum cleaner"...

The Same and Nat

Day of birth

To name this blog post I am "borrowing" a chapter title "Те же и Сенечка" from Alexandra Brushtein's autobiography, where she describes the birth of her younger brother.  Except that I am using the title to refer to the birth of my baby.

1 day old

Nat is only a week old now, but I am already very proud of him:

• He never showed any sign of distress during the horrendously long labor--his heart beat was monitored almost the entire time.  If his heart rate ever did anything unexpected (like drop), I would be whisked away into an operating room for a C-section in minutes, and I am very grateful that it did not happen. 
• He managed not to lose weight between being discharged from the hospital and his first pediatrician visit.
• He managed to gain over 5 ounces by his second pediatrician visit only two days later.  (Apparently what the doctors want to see is that a baby like Nat is gaining at least an ounce a day...)
• And of course Nick and I find him terribly cute.

(I could have lived without his holding his arm up to his head during birth, but of course, no one is perfect.)

1 week old

Overall, it has been a very emotional week, as we all continue to adjust our new lives as a family.  

I think Colin Meloy said it really well:

"... it was only me and you
that made this three come out of two
My darling, what wonder have we wrought here? ...
It's weird, but mostly wonderful, dear "

Design A Sock

This is the second time I am submitting designs to the Design A Sock contest, held by Sock It To Me.  Here are my entries--I think a definite improvement over last year's attempt.

The goal is to make it into the finals--25-30 designs to be posted to Facebook in about a week for everyone to vote on their favorites.

Spring!

Or is it summer? Bare arms and legs in March in Boston after sunset!

38 weeks

The Race Is On

Despite having a thousand things that I should be doing, I could not resist starting another quilt.

8 squares for the new quilt
(the squares are just laying on top of another fabric)

So the big question is, what will be finished first--the baby or the quilt top.  Stay tuned...

Getting Bigger All the Time

36 weeks

Photo Shoot

My Marine/Whales quilt and I had a photo shoot today.

This is the "front" of the quilt

And here's the back

By the time I finished the quilt last weekend, it was too dark to take photos.  But I believe the quilt truly deserved my camera's attention, especially since it has now to go through the trials of the first machine wash.  I hope it will retain its general appearance, but you never know.

It was really nice of Nick to hold up the quilt while I took the photos.  Apparently it is not cool to be seen in public standing with your arms fully extended, holding up a brightly colored blanket.

Since we are having an unbelievably warm winter, I agreed to shed my cozy coat and be photographed outside too.  And yes, that ever growing basketball in the front keeps me a lot warmer than I would be otherwise.

33 and a half weeks

I have now shifted from reading about pregnancy and baby development to reading about birth.  I am starting to feel like a ticking bomb...

Cinnamon Rolls for Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day!

Before being inverted

We are celebrating with some shapeless but yummy cinnamon rolls.

After being inverted

After being inverted and separated

While these buns are out of the oven, another bun has about 7 more weeks to go.

The New Fashion Trend: Desperation

Right now would be the perfect time for some maternity clothes, but you know I am stubborn.  And I love a challenge.  Between my general dislike of clothes shopping and my aversion to inefficiency of any kind, I just cannot bring myself to buy clothing that I would only need for 2 months.  Instead I pretend that I can be more creative and come up with other options.  I think to outsiders, my "creativity" looks more like desperation. 

32 weeks
Looking fashionable in one of my "t-shirt dresses"
that I wore a lot back in college

For example, a big t-shirt over one of my regular (now way too short) long sleeve shirts works well.  I do fear I am about to outgrow my medium size t-shirts.  I might have to raid Nick's t-shirt drawer.

Someone also gave me the idea of "t-shirt dresses".  So I dug up 2 dresses from our "to be donated" pile, and wore one of them to work--over one of my regular long sleeve shirts of course.  Fortunately, the dresses are so stretchy, that I might be able to wear them through the end of my pregnancy.  Unfortunately, they seem to emphasize the enormous size and disproportion of my body. 

What I Did Last Sunday

Yesterday, my first planned task was to "sandwich" the Marine/Whale quilt I have been working on.  I already had the top and backing made.  All I had to do was to iron the batting, and then layout and pin the three layers together.  Simple enough, right:?

This one task took me almost 6 hours!  And I was exhausted when I was done.

Top, batting and backing are now all pinned together,
and the quilt is ready to be quilted!

It turns out that it is hard work to crawl on the floor on all fours, constantly getting up, and going back down, with all the extra weight mainly concentrated in my abdomen.  I should not have been surprised.

31 Weeks

Last Friday, I tried to casually hop on a counter top (just like a kitchen counter) in conference room in a meeting at work, because all the chairs were taken.  I did not think twice about it, because I have done this many times.  I tried the "hopping" several times, before it dawned on me that given the extra weight and a change in my center of gravity, I am just not going to be able to do it.  Given that I hopped on the same counter only about a week and a half ago, made this failure even more shocking.

Baby Prep: Childbirth Class

On Saturday, Nick and I spent 6 hours learning about childbirth (first of two sessions).  Don't worry -- I have no intention of relating the details.  The class was good and useful, but I would not call it fun, or uplifting.  However, there was one aspect of it, which we both found entertaining (and it will probably come as no surprise to anyone) -- apparently there is a smart phone app out there for just about anything relating childbirth.  In fact there are so many, that the class instructor made recommendations as to which ones were better than others.  

Oh Pregnancy

A wanted pregnancy is a wonderful thing! 

You plan for it, you read about it, you join an online community of other newly pregnant women, and you think you know what to expect...  All of the knowledge acquisition and sharing is great, and it helps.  Still I seem to be unable to avoid dilemmas and or bizarre conversations--not something I expected, though not surprising either.

I obviously knew that when time came to have children, it would be me and not Nick who sends his body in for a hormonal spin and organ shifting.  (I refuse to even think about delivery just yet.) 

As if the physical gender differences were not enough in themselves, they tremendously contribute to the social issues, particularly at work.  Take the act of informing coworkers of the upcoming event, for example.  A male coworker with a pregnant wife has to inform the team of the impending joy just as much as a pregnant female coworker--so what is so unfair about this?  It turns out that the appropriate, or accepted, timeframe for the man is significantly wider than for a woman.  Theoretically (though I would not suggest this) a man can make the announcement as late as a month before the birth.  A woman could never pull that off. 

In all fairness, it is possible that in this case my many superstitions have exacerbated the problem.  I wanted to wait well into the 2nd trimester, before telling anyone about my condition.  When I was finally ready to tell, I could not schedule a proper meeting with my manager for awhile and then was away on vacation.  Growth apparently comes in bursts, and oh boy did I have a burst during our vacation.  Waiting another 5 days till my meeting became a creativity test for wearing loose, shape-concealing clothing (it turns out that I only own one presentable sweatshirt).  As I revealed the truth of my condition to some of my coworkers, I learned they have already been suspicious for some time--someone suggested that it was the shape (as opposed to size?) that gave me away.

Pregnancy seems like a very personal and a relatively private affair.  (I say "relatively" because 1) here I am writing about it in a public blog, and 2) I have reached the point where my body shape broadcasts my condition to any and all innocent bystanders.)  To avoid the communal rejoicing I decided not to announce my pregnancy in any meetings at work, as many people at my workplace do.  As a result, a lot of people I see on a daily basis did not realize I was pregnant until I started showing.  Some people have been interacting with me as if nothing happened, while others ask direct questions.  I am fine with either.  But not everyone falls into one of these groups.   

Last week, I had a conversation with a coworker, that went something like this:

Lady (blocking my way through the kitchen): Are you... ? [LONG pause]

me:  [LONG pause] Yes, I am.

Lady:  I  would never ask, except that with you it could not be anything else...

me:  [smile and nod]

Lady:  Do you know who it is?

me:  It's a boy. [Resisting the urge to say that it is definitely not a puppy]

Lady:  [Finally moving to unblock the kitchen]  I did a lot of nursing.  So if you have any questions about nursing, please come by and ask.

me:  Thank you very much.  I really appreciate it...

15 weeks (October)

24 weeks (December)

29 weeks (now)

Luckily I have been able mostly to avoid random people touching my stomach.  I attribute my luck to the time of the year--I spend a lot of time in my puffy down coat, which so far has been doing a good job of concealing my bulge.