What's Cooking: No-Knead Crusty Bread

Ingredients:

• 16 oz all purpose flour 
• 16 oz wheat flour 
• 1Tbsp table salt 
• 18 g yeast (1 1/2 Tbsp)
• 3 - 4 Tbsp flax seed meal 
• 3 - 4 Tbsp flax seed 
• Handful rolled oats 
• Juice from 1/2 orange OR 1-2 Tbsp lemon juice, OR 3-4 Tbsp Kefir (optional)
• water to add to juice/kefir to make 3 cups 
• 1/4 cup olive oil 
• 1/2 cup honey 

Method:

1. In a large bowl, combine flour(s), salt, yeast, flax seeds, flax seed meal and oats.  (Mix just enough to get the seeds evenly distributed--it would be harder to do with the wet ingredients in.)
2. Measure out 3 cups of water.  If you are using orange juice, lemon juice or kefir, add it to the measuring cup first.  Then add enough water to make 3 cups total.  (No need to mix yet.)  The water cannot be hot!!!  Luke warm or cold is fine.
3. Add olive oil and honey.
4. Mix to make very rough sticky dough.  You only need to mix enough to make sure that all the dry ingredients got wet, and that the ingredients are evenly distributed.  I usually start with a large spoon, but then use my hands for a couple of minutes just to make sure there are no dry spots left. 
5. Cover the dough tightly.  You may let the dough sit out for up to 2 hours at room temperature and then refrigerate.  (Refrigerating right away does not seem to have an adverse effect.)  
6. The dough is ready in about 8-12 hours.  However, it can keep in the refrigerator for at least a week.  This recipe makes enough dough to make 3 medium size round loaves.

When ready to bake:

7. Place a piece of parchment onto a cookie baking sheet.  Don’t worry—the parchment paper will not burn in the oven.  (Do not use wax paper.)
8. Grease your hands with butter, deflate the dough in the bowl, and grab about a third of it to make one loaf—about the size of a large grapefruit. 
9. In your hands, stretch and fold the piece of dough onto itself a couple of times, and then shape it into a ball, creating tension at the surface.  (You do not need to roll it.) Little video of me shaping the loaf
10. Place the shaped dough onto the parchment lined baking sheet, and sift a light coating of flour over the top.  (I use a tea infuser spoon to do this step.)  The flour will keep the dough moist while it rises.
11. Let the loaf rise at room temperature for about an hour, longer if your house is cool.  It is ok to leave the loaf out longer if needed, but ideally it should be baked in about two hours at most. 
12. Preheat the oven to 450F, boil at least 1 cup of water, and prepare a shallow metal or cast iron pan—nothing Pyrex, ceramic or glass.
13. When you’re ready to bake make 2-3 slashes in the loaf about ½ inch deep.  I use kitchen shears to make the cuts, but a sharp serrated knife will work as well. 
14. Place the dough into the oven (middle rack).  Place the prepared shallow metal pan onto the bottom rack in the oven and pour the hot water into it.
15. Bake the bread for about 40 minutes.  I usually rotate the baking sheet 180 degrees after the first 25 minutes.  I use an instant meat thermometer to measure the internal temperature of the bread.  It should be 195-205F degrees.  The baking time may vary based on your oven, and how big of a loaf you are making.  So you may want to start checking your bread earlier.
16. Cool the bread on a rack.  

This recipe was based on the No-Knead Crusty White Bread recipe by King Arthur Flour

Switching to a Smart Phone

A couple weeks ago Nat and I went to the Russian Bremen Musicians show.  It was our first outing together since I started using a smart phone.  Enamored with the idea of having a decent tiny camera on me and spurned by the site of other parents snapping photos of their children I was about to take a photo of Nat in front of a New Year's Tree.  But then I did not.

Nat was not thrilled about posing at that moment.  The room was dark and crowded.  Getting a shot without other people in it would have been close to impossible. 

I quickly abandoned the idea.  I did snap a couple of low quality photos of Nat at the restaurant we went to after the show.  Looking at these photos later, I wondered why I did it.  What important moment did I try to capture, and what am I teaching my son by acting that way? 

My conclusion was that there is almost no value to these photos.  There is nothing beautiful or particularly interesting or memorable about them.  The photos did not capture the essence of the evening Nat and I spent together.  The moments I remember about the evening are not at all the  same as the ones I did or would have been able to capture on camera. 

Another thought occurred to me.  In this day and age everyone is snapping photos of everything, and then sharing them across the social network.  But by doing so, are we missing something else? What are we not capturing that cannot be photographed?  Moments that can only be described?  What moments are we missing or ruining by having a camera in our hands?

Confessions of the Twilight Saga Junkie

I never intended to read the Twilight Books.  Last December, I was browsing through the bookshelves at Nick's parents house, when I came across the first book.  Vaguely aware that this series of books were hugely popular when they came out a few years ago, I decided read a few pages to see what the hype was all about.  A few pages was all it took to get me hooked...  

SPOILER ALERT: If you have not read the books but are planning to, DO NOT read further as I make no effort to conceal the plot. 

It is embarrassing to confess that for months I have been  completely absorbed by a piece of fiction, written for teenage girls.  It took me about a month to finish the four books, but it was another 3 months until the desire to constantly read and re-read parts of the stories started to ebb. 

I have been trying to understand why these books had such a strong pull on me. 

• It is the story of true love, unequivocal
• It is the story of forbidden love
• It is the quest for permanent youth and beauty
• It is the quest for wisdom and skills that a lifetime is not enough to acquire
• It is the quest for becoming "good" (righteious?), despite your "fate"

If the above list is not simple enough, here is the obvious:  The main male character of the book is smart, drop-dead-gorgeous, nice, in control, and incredibly gentle and protective of his beloved.  Who would not fall for that!?

Inevitably, I eventually got past the pure ecstasy of the love story.  Once my brain started functioning again, and I began to analyze what I am reading, a few questions/issues surfaced.

• Anyone would be bored to death attending high school for a 100 years.  Why aren't these vampires attending college or grad school.  No need to hide, since there are plenty of human perpetual students.  Alternatively, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett could find jobs or at least some useful occupations. 
• What were these vampires doing during World War II?!  What with their speed, strength, and extra senses, they should have excelled at flying planes, driving tanks, target shooting, or heck, just annihilating Hitler and his junkies all together.  
• If Jasper lost control over blood from a single paper cut, then he could not have possibly made it in a classroom.  Plus the book carefully avoids the simple fact that women bleed every month (until it becomes relevant for Bella).  Smell that, dear vampires.  (I do admit that a discussion on menstruation would not have contributed anything useful to the book.)

Do I sound too harsh?  Just remember that I am writing this while still fully enjoying rereading the "saga" for the Nth time.  

P.S.  I just did an internet search on "Twilight saga junkie", and many hits came up--apparently I am not very original.

What's Cooking: Chili

I have been meaning to write up this recipe a long time ago.  Finally...

Ingredients:

• olive or vegetable oil for sautéing
• 2 onions, coarsely chopped (about 3 cups)
• 3 carrots, finely chopped
• 2-3 sticks of celery, finely chopped
• 2 large yellow bell pepper, chopped
• 4 tsp minced canned chipotle chilies in adobo sauce (or to taste), minced
• 1 15-oz can black beans, well drained
• 1 15 oz can kidney beans, well drained
• 1 15 oz can pinto beans, well drained
• 28 oz can of diced or chopped tomatoes, preferably fire roasted
• 15 oz can of tomato sauce
• 3 cloves of garlic, minced (optional)
• 1 green pepper, chopped, (optional)
• 2 Tbsp chili powder (or to taste)
• 1 1/5 - 2 tsp cumin powder (or to taste)
• fresh cilantro, chopped, for serving (optional)

Method

1. Heat oil in a heavy large (humongous) pot, add onions, carrots and celery, and cook for a few minutes, until the vegetables are just starting to get soft.

2.  Add chopped peppers, and cook for another 7-10 minutes, until the peppers start getting soft.

3.  Add. garlic, spices, and chipotle chilies, and cook for about a minute, stirring well.

4.  Add beans, tomatoes and tomato sauces, bring to boil, reduce heat and simmer for at least 30 minutes. 

Serve with cornbread, Monterey Jack or cheddar cheese, or sour cream.   

Notes:

• Any combination of beans would work--the original recipe calls for all black beans.  The above combination works well for us.  Cook the beans yourself, avoiding cans, if you would like to reduce sodium.
• On chipotle chilis
• If possible, use a food processor to "mince" (or turn into paste) the chipotle chilis (with the sauce).  I usually process the whole can, and store the remains in a glass jar in the fridge.  It lasts for a very long time.  Also good with eggs, fajitas, etc.
• I used 4 teaspoons before we started feeding the chili to Nat.  I have been using 2 teaspoons ever since we started sharing our food with Nat, and mashing a little cornbread into Nat's plate of chili.  These maneuvers seem like a nice compromise in spiciness between him and us, the adults.
• Simmer the chili covered if you would like to retain more liquid.  Leave the lid off if you would like the chili to thicken
• I like my chili fairly thick, so I have never added more than ~1/4 cup of water.  You can add water or vegetable broth to add more liquid to the chili.
• Options to increase the amount of chili cooked
• I would not necessarily double the recipe... but if you try, please let me know how it works out
• Add another 2-4 cups of beans (I would recommend black)
• Add another 28 oz of fire roasted chopped tomatoes
• Add another pepper--yellow, green, or poblano (esp. if you like things spicy)
• Add another onion
• Do not forget to up the spices just a tiny bit if you are increasing the beans or tomatoes.  Plus you can never have too much cumin (IMPO).
• The chili freezes well

Recipes I referenced:

• Black Bean, Yellow Pepper and Cumin Chili
• Deb's Three-Bean Chili (you have to scroll down a bit to get to the recipe)

What's Cooking: Something Orange, Sweet and Yummy

I have only followed Dorie Greenspan's recipe for a pumpkin"Stuffed with Everything Good" once, and it was very good.  Since then I have made multiple variations on the theme.  I find that using a covered baking dish (e.g. a dutch oven or a covered pyrex dish) simplifies the cooking method because you do not have to worry about picking a pumpkin of the right size and carving it.

I admit that my "recipe" below is rather vague.  It would be best to treat it as notes on what I did when diverging from the original recipe.

Ingredients:

• 1 Butternut squash
• 1-1 1/2 cups of Cheddar cheese grated (other cheeses would work well too)
• a large crown of broccoli
• rice (I cooked one dry cup of brown and wild rice mixture, but used about 2/3 of the result)
• 2-3 cloves of garlic finely chopped
• pinch of nutmeg
• 1-2 cups of heavy cream
• salt and ground pepper to taste

1. Start cooking rice.  (I slightly undercooked it, because it would finish cooking in the oven.)
2. Peel butternut squash, remove the seeds and cube it.  (OR if you are like me and think that cutting or peeling a raw butternut squash is really hard, "PRE-bake" it first -- see my notes at the end of the recipe.) 
3. You can chop the broccoli and garlic, and grate the cheese while the butternut squash is baking and the rice is cooking.
4. Once all of your ingredients are prepared, preheat the oven to 350F and butter your baking dish. 
5. Mix all the butternut squash, rice, broccoli, cheese, spices/herbs and garlic in a large bowl. 
6. Fill your baking dish with the mixture.
7. Pour the heavy cream over the mixture.  (I used about a cup and a half.)
8. Sprinkle a little more cheese on top (optional)
9. Cover and bake.  The baking time will depend on how big your buttersquash was, and how much mixture you ended up with, on whether you precooked the butternut squash, on the size of your baking dish, etc.  Start checking after 40 minutes.  When the squash is almost cooked (can easily be pierced with a fork or a knife), bake the casserole for another 10-20 minutes uncovered to brown the top a little bit.

Serve with a salad as a main course, or as a hearty side dish. 

Variations on the theme:

• Use chard or spinach instead of broccoli
• Use sweet potato instead of the butternut squash
• Use bread instead of rice, as the original recipe suggests
• Check out the "Bonne Idee" section of the original recipe for more possibilities
• Use a variety of different cheeses

PRE-baking the butternut squash:

1. Preheat the oven to 400F
2. Wash the butternut squash and pokes some holes in its skin with a fork
3. Put it on a baking sheet (I cover the baking sheet with foil for easy cleanup) and bake for about 20 minutes.  (You may want to flip the squash in the oven after the first 10-15 minutes.)  You want the squash to cook enough so that the outside gets a little softer making it easier to peel. 

What's Cooking: Borsch

This is a vegetarian version of borsch, but it can easily be cooked with a little bit of beef for a more smooth meaty flavor. (See notes below).

Cabbage just added to the borsch

Ingredients:

• 5-6 medium red beets (more if the beets are tiny)
• 1 large onion chopped
• 1-2 cloves of garlic, minced or pushed through the garlic press
• 1-2 carrots chopped
• 1 fresh tomato, or 1-2 tomatoes from a can (optional)
• fresh dill
• 4 medium potatoes
• cabbage (I end up using less than one head, so pick a small one)
• black pepper
• bay leaf

"Magic ingredients":

• Some acidic liquid, e.g.
• Vinegar or
• brine from dill pickles or really anything pickled, e.g. banana peppers
• tomato juice
• Stems from fresh parsley, and/or dill, cilantro

1. Peel the beets. Put them in a large pot with water and bring to boil. (You can cut them into large cubes for faster cooking.)  While the water is heating up, add 1-2 table spoons of your "acidic liquid" of choice. Add 3-5 black peppers, 1 bay leaf and the stems from the fresh herbs if using. (These are just for flavor--you can fish all of them out before serving.) When the liquid boils, lower the heat and let it simmer, until the beets are almost cooked. 
2. This step can be done either while the beets are cooking or in advance (e.g. 1-2 days ahead). Chop onions. Peel and shred (or thinly chop) carrots. Saute onions and carrots. (It is really yummy in butter, but for health reasons sauteing in vegetable oil works just as well). When sauteing is almost done, add tomatoes and cook for a couple of more minutes. Set aside.
3. Peel potatoes and cut them into large cubes.
4. Chop the cabbage
5. When the beets are cooked, fish them out of the beet broth.
6. Add sauted onions and carrots, and potatoes to the broth and continue simmering. (Depending on whether your like your cabbage crispy or well boiled, you can add it to the beet broth now, or later when the potatoes are almost done).
7. Shred the beets and add them back into the broth.
8. Continue simmering until potatoes are fully cooked.
9. Serve with sour cream and fresh dill

Notes:

• I usually make it in a 6 quart pot, but by no means do I fill up the pot with water. (Although I do often end up with borsch that does have more stuff than liquid in it:). But you can always add more liquid later, as you go.
• If you want to make a beef based borsch, just throw in a beef bone, or some stew kind of beef at the same time as you start cooking the beets.

What's Cooking: Cauliflower Dal

I am starting  a new theme. I cook SO MUCH these days, but I can never remember which recipes I used, what I did, etc.  So I am attempting to capture it here for my own reference purposes and of course for your entertainment.  First up is dal with cauliflower.  This is what Nat has been eating for lunch for the last 2 days (and he has a few more days to go).

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 chana dal (yellow lentils)
• Veg. oil for sauteing
• 1 onion, chopped
• 2 cloves of garlic, minced
• ~2 Tbsp ginger, minced
• 2 tomatoes, skinned and chopped
• 1 head of cauliflower, broken into florets
• 1 tsp ground cumin
• 1 tsp garam masala
• dash of tumeric
• 1/4 tsp coriander

1. Wash out the dal, and soak for 15-20 minutes

2. Cover dal with new cold water, bring to boil and simmer for 20 + minutes, until done

3. In a large pot, saute onion, garlic and ginger

4. Add cauliflower, tomatoes and spices, and cook for a couple of minutes

5. Add ~1/2 cup of water, cover and simmer

6. When the dal is almost done, add it to the cauliflower mixture, and continue cooking until the cauliflower is soft

Recipes I referenced:

• Cauliflower Dal with Panch Phoran
• Dal with cauliflower and carrots
• Lentil Cauliflower Dal
• Spicy Urad Dal with Cauliflower and Peas

My Go-To Pumpkin Dessert

It is no secret that I like to consume a dessert before I go to bed (even if it is past midnight sadly).  This requirement of course means that I bake regularly so that dessert is available.  Since I never have enough time for anything these days, I opt for desserts that are take as little time to make as possible and do not require the electric mixer (the noise might wake up the child).  This chocolate pumpkin bake thing fulfills both requirements.  (If you can think of a better name for it, please let me know!)

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 cup wheat flour (or any combination of wheat and all purpose flour)
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 2 eggs
• 1 cup cooked pumpkin (1/2 of a ~15oz can)
• 3/4 cups brown sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 1/3 cup vegetable oil
• 1 1/2 cups semi sweet chocolate chips

1. Preheat the oven to 350F.  Get out an 8x8 inch square dish (Pyrex works well).  There is no need to butter the dish.
2. In a small bowl, combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnomon and salt
3. In a large bowl, combine eggs, pumpkin, sugar, vanilla and vegetable oil and mix well.  (No need for an electric mixer or anything even remotely that vigorous.)
4. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ones and mix just until combined. 
5. Add the chocolate chips and mix just enough to distribute the chips.
6. Spread the mixture in the oven proof dish and bake for 30+ minutes or until the toothpick comes clean (unless it hit a chocolate chip). 

Notes:

• This recipe can easily be doubled--use a 13x9 inch baking dish and a whole ~15oz can of pumpkin.
• The baked result freezes really well
• If cooking the recipe as written, you can use half of a 15oz can of pumpkin and freeze the rest. Using the previously frozen (and now defrosted) pumpkin pure will most likely increase your baking time because it will make the batter more liquid.  The result will taste just as yummy.

Inspired by:

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Bars from Cook Woman
Pumpkin Muffins from Smitten Kitchen

Imagination

"Our son has imagination," said Nick as we watched Nat walk around the house with an empty cup in his hands.  Notably, one of the things he was doing with the cup was holding it up to his mouth and tilting his head as far as he could.  He was clearing doing what his dad does when he is finishing a cup of juice.  And then we took it to the next level.

"Why don't we give some water to Winnie the Pooh" I said and held Nat's cup up under the bear's nose.  (This particular Winnie the Pooh does not seem to have a well defined mouth.)   Nat liked this very much.  He proceeded to "give water" to his tiger, another bear and his zebra.  (Covering their protruding muzzles with the cup seemed to qualify.)  

A Long Weekend in Philadelphia

A couple of weeks ago we visited Philadelphia--our first time traveling with Nat to a place we have never been before.

Overall the trip was definitely a success:

• We visited Brooke (Even IF we did not drive her crazy by our slow pace and loud banter late into the night, we surely drove her cats crazy.)
• We saw a little bit of different parts of the city
• We ate some excellent food
• Nat did not have too much of a hard time with all the traveling, and he loved the kitties

Hopefully, this trip was our first, but not our last trip to Philadelphia.  We strolled around different neighborhoods, admiring the all the different row houses.  We walked by the Independence Hall, peeked at the Liberty Bell through the window, and stopped by the Reading Terminal Market for lunch.  Nick even had time to explore the Philadelphia Museum of Art with Brooke, while Nat and I walked along the Schuylkill River and learned a little bit about the first water works in the country.  We even said "Hello" to New Jersey from Penn's Landing area on the Delaware River.

A view of New Jersey from Penn's Landing across the Delaware River

Philadelphia definitely holds a lot more for us to explorer.  My only pet peeve was how unfriendly the city's public transit system seems to be to traveling with babies.  And I am not even talking about elevators at every subway station--that would be luxury.  When we boarded a bus, we were immediately asked to fold the stroller.  The trolley doors are so narrow, that it is hard to walk on just carrying a folded stroller.  These issues did not present a problem for us because there were three of us, and because Nat is not tiny baby anymore.  However, it seems that a parent traveling alone with a child under 6 months could not use the bus or the trolley system unless the child was in a carrier and not a stroller. 

Nat really enjoyed eating out--being held hostage by the high chair is much easier when there are all these interesting things and people to look at.  He also really liked the two kitties who are temporarily living with Brooke.  It did not take Nat long to start chasing the cats around the apartment trying to grab their tails.  We kept trying to teach him proper cat petting etiquette, but the wagging tails were just so enticing and just at the right height.  I have to say that these two cats were extremely nice--they did not retaliate against him not once. 

Martino

The trip marked the second time that Nat traveled on a train. 

He did pretty well, minus a tantrum on the way back when he woke up crying inconsolably.  On the way back Nat also met a very nice 13 month old girl, Menea.  This little girl was clearly used to spending time with other babies.  She alternated between giving Nat her toys and taking them away.  When prompted by her mom, she would also give Nat and me hugs.  Nat, who has not had a chance to meet other babies, mostly just stared.  Clearly curious, but also a little bit afraid, he just did not know what to do.

More Socks

Here is my third attempt to make it to the finals of the Design A Sock contest, held by Sock It To Me.  Wish me luck!

Point!

Sometime this morning, Nat took a sock out of my boot and carried it around for awhile.  In case you do not know, socks are excellent for shaking, holding above your head, covering your eyes with (especially while walking), and stuffing into your mouth...  When he was done, he put the sock back in my boot.  When I went to put on my boots this afternoon, I found 3 toys stored in my boots.

In other news, Nat started pointing today.  When I tried to rock him to sleep for his nap this afternoon, he held his head up and pointed to his crib.  He wanted me to put him in his crib, so that he could walk around on his mattress while wearing his sleeping sack... 

Time Just Flies - Recapping the Holidays

There is so much to write about and so little time to do it.  In the meantime our baby is rapidly turning into a toddler.

First of all I have been meaning to recap the holidays--they were great. All three of them!  (Hanukkah, Christmas and New Years).  We lit candles for Hanukkah every day--a first for us.  Of course Nat will not remember any of it, but it still felt nice to do.

Our Christmas might have been a little frenzied, but we hit all the "essentials": family (one of the bigger turn outs this year), rolls, Christmas jello, sugar high, interesting cocktails (ok, Nat might have skipped those last two...).  

Clearly Walla Walla deserves a lot more coverage than just one sentence.  In contrast, there is not much to say about our New Years celebration--just us at home, with a little bit of cake, strawberries and champagne.  

Of course there was also Nat's first airplane ride, and he was a trooper.  He fussed a bit, but not unreasonably.  During take off and landing, he fell asleep instead of screaming.  

Unfortunately, our car ride to and from Walla Walla, which is only marginally shorter than the plane ride, was not nearly as pleasant.  Nat hardly slept, and screamed bloody murder for over an hour each way.  The short periods of time he did not scream were all due to Aunt Brooke's creative entertainment.  (Thanks, Brooke!)

In addition to meeting a lot of family for the first time over the holidays, Nat also got to spend quality time with several dogs.  Being a very small animal himself, he was cautious at first.  While Mojo, the energetic pug, scared Nat out of his high chair for good, Roo, the super mellow Newfoundland mix was the favorite despite his enormous size.  After a couple of days in the same house, Nat chased Roo with happy squeals.  He also maintained what he must have deemed a safe distance of about a foot when the dog was facing him, and promptly "ran" away with similarly loud squeals if Roo moved towards him. 

Now over a month has passed.  While Nick and I have barely had time to recover from the holidays, Nat grew two more teeth, started walking on his own, and stopped being a vegetarian.  He is still attracted to kitchen cabinets, but has discovered how to open and close the bedroom door, and grew absolutely obsessed with lifting the flaps in his Toes, Ears and Nose! book.

Donating Bone Marrow

Five years ago I registered with the National Marrow Donor Program.  It is notoriously difficult to find a match for someone needing a bone marrow transplant, and I wanted to help.  At the same time, because it is so difficult to find a match, I did not really expect to ever be contacted. 

So you can imagine my shock when last October I received an email informing me that I was a possible match.  I followed the instructions and got in touch with the people in the donor program.  I had to make some difficult choices.  For a variety of reasons the program provided me, the perspective donor, with limited information while asking me to make an unconditional go/no-go decision upfront. 

For example, there are multiple methods for extracting bone marrow.  The least invasive and the most common one used currently requires the donor to take medication for at least a week.  For a breastfeeding mother like me, 7 days of medication implied 7 days of pumping and dumping, while my baby ate frozen breastmilk or formula.  I knew my baby would be in no danger of malnutrition, but I worried that he would inadvertently be weaned by the time I was ready to breastfeed him again. 

Many questions whirled around my mind.  Who is more important to me, my baby or a leukemia patient I have never met?  Can I compare the benefits of breastfeeding to an attempt to give someone another chance to live?  Can I subject my family to the extra work that will result from my pumping around the clock, having to feed the baby from the bottle around the clock, not to mention dealing with me potentially feeling weak and/or sick from the medication and the donation itself? 

Feeling overwhelmed, I called my very good friend whose brother has now been cancer free for two years after having a bone marrow transplant.  Talking to her made the decision easy.  I never wanted to wonder whether someone could have lived but died because I was worried that my baby might wean too early.  I never wanted to wonder if parents lost their child because I was worried about the possibility of having to feed formula instead of breastmilk to my baby.  I never wanted to wonder if children lost their parent because I was worried about having to do more work while feeling tired.  My concerns fizzled away in comparison to losing someone who could have lived.

So I agreed to proceed.

As it turns out, my bone marrow was not needed this time around.  Perhaps a better match was found, or the patient decided against the procedure, or the doctors decided against the procedure for this patient.  I will never know what really happened, but I am glad that I will never have to think back to this episode in my life and wonder "what if..."

Our First Sensory Bag

Since I never have enough time to write for the blog, I thought I would try a more visual approach.

Here is what I did last night after putting the baby to bed, baking some shortbread and making my lunch for the next day.

Later Edit: This is NOT blood (Это НЕ кровь.)  This is food coloring!

This is our first "sensory bag", something I came across on the internet (where else).  This taped Ziploc bag contains baby oil, water and food coloring.  It is squishy. The color blobs change shape.  It is supposed to be a great thing for the baby to explore.  Nat liked it, but I think I was more excited about it than he was.

Mid Year Review

Nick said that if he were to give Nat his midyear review, the term normally used in the corporate environment to refer to a checkpoint in one's performance about 6 months into the year, he would emphasize that Nat could improve his sleeping habits.  Natty has gotten better at taking naps during the day, but is now more reluctant to go to sleep at 8pm and is starting to get into the habit of calling out to us around 5am. 

Exactly 6 months

But like in any excellent review, Natty's strengths and accomplishments overshadow his areas in need of improvement.

• Natty successfully crawls backwards, which turns out to be an excellent way to escape under the sofa.  He really wants to crawl forward, but cannot quite do it yet.  Presented with an especially desirable object (e.g. a laptop) he will resort to throwing himself forward.
• Natty rotates about on his stomach very well, which allows him to cover a significant amount of floor space.
• Natty wants to stand as much as possible.  He particularly likes to stand holding on to his gym.  Turning on the silly gym music is an extra bonus.
• Natty wants to feel everything.  In the last several days he has been running his fingers (opening and closing his fist) over every surface he can get his hands on.  Any slight delay on our part to cut his nails means that this exercise produces horrible noise.  And oh how fast those little nails grow!
• Natty likes to suck on his left hand thumb, which strengthens Nick's hopes that his son is a lefty.
• When Natty gets his hands on his "weight" toy, he shakes it really hard--as hard as if he were wielding a weapon of a deadly force.  He does not do it with other toys.
• On the day he turned 6 months, Natty started forming a "фига" with his right hand.  He stares at his hand as he's working his fingers into it, and sometimes proudly shows it to us. 

The changes that Nat has been going through in the last 6 months are tremendous, and I will never be able to list them all here.  The changes that I detect in my own behavior are much more subtle. 

I wish I could say that having the baby has made me do everything faster.  No, I am still as slow as ever.  (I tell Natty that turtles and snails are slow because they carry their houses with them.  I don't have such an excellent excuse.)  Yet I am definitely much more efficient.

The short intervals of time available for my personal use now appear very differently.  A span of 15 minutes in my "pre-motherhood" life seemed too short to do anything useful.  Now it seems like an eternity--I can chop vegetables to prep for dinner, mix the dry ingredients for the next cake to bake, pre-wash soiled clothes or sort the clean laundry, pack lunch for my next work day, precut fabric for my next sewing project or put a seam in into my current one.  And the list goes on. 

I am not nearly as nervous speaking in front of large groups of people.  This phenomenon actually started back when I was still pregnant.  Perhaps it is more a function of hormonal changes as opposed to a shift in my thought process, but I hope it is more permanent.

On the negative side, I worry that every time I slip the schedule at work, people assume that with an infant at home I am not working as hard.  While I am not spending as many hours in the office, I actually feel that I am working harder than ever.  So I try to attribute these worries to my paranoia. 

Having a baby also affected the way I look at mothers with newborn babies and pregnant women.  I am sure as Nat grows older, my reactions will continue to evolve, but for now I feel the mystery and the wonder that they are about to experience.  It is hard to describe the emotion.  The only remotely comparable feeling would be seeing someone reading a book that I love for the first time. 

Vladimir Visotsky said it really well in his song "Вершина":

            Весь мир на ладони,

            Я счастлив и нем,

            И только немного завидую тем
            Другим у которых вершина еще впереди.

New Dishes

Last week Nick mentioned something about how it would be nice to have more than 4 dinner plates for every day use because we are constantly running out.  A week and $60 later, we are no longer short on plates.

Growth Spurt?

From this

to this

in just 5 months!  That is some growth spurt!

Online Shopping For Refrigerators

Have you ever tried shopping for refrigerators online?  This is what it looks like:

This is a screen shot of my attempt to browse refrigerators on Sears.com

Do you see a problem with this picture?!  Which one do I click on?  They all look the same!  Not only that, but they are all called the same too:  "  Top Freezer Refrigerator".  I hope no one seriously expects me to click through all 34 of these ("only" 34, after I have narrowed down the choice based on size, volume and color).

Summertime, And The Living Is Easy

I have now officially joined the ranks of working moms.  Let the flood of guilt and contradicting emotions begin.

July 3rd

One of the biggest surprises of going back to work for me was to discover that going to work seems easier than staying at home and taking care of my baby.  It was hard for me to admit this realization to myself and even harder to reveal it to others.  But I am glad I did--it turned out that to many it was not surprising at all, and many others had similar feelings in my situation. 

At work I know exactly what I need to accomplish in order to get my job done.  If I do not know how to do something, at least I know whom to ask for help.  If a problem lingers, I escalate the issue, ask for more help, and otherwise try to approach the problem in a different way.  I have experience and a good amount of confidence in what I do.

At home I have to make multiple decisions per hour, each of which has a direct and significant impact on another individual, a little human being, who has but cannot clearly express his desires, fears or pain.  It is exhilarating to see Nat smile at me.  But when that smile turns into a frown, I find myself troubleshooting the worse "bug" of my life.  People say, "Mother knows best."  Oh how I wish I was one of "those" people for whom it is true.